Mr. B. Carty
3946 Cool St.
Verdun P.Q.
H4J-1B4
tel. 514
Mr. David Letterman
Jan. 05 / 2002
C/o Ed Sullyvan Studio
1697 Broadway
New-York N.Y.
10019
Mr. Letterman ,
As of your show Friday 28th 2001 : I couldn't beleave it . It seemed
like all of forty five minutes were spent on Oprah . Some of that stuff
was quits funny too
. Ok , all of te . I especially liked stuff like that reading
of original "Oprah Show monolog" where Oprah talks to Tom Cruse . I
think what "fulfilled" ms was the connection . Oprah
being fulfilled by Tom Cruse , Rosie being fulfilled
by her favorite
candy lick , Tom Cruse , and of course "the fulfillment of propichy" . Like I said , you guys are a
bunch of funny fellows . And what was that piticular cover of "0
Magazine" doing on the television screen ? You cut ms up Dave , and I wcndner , were you trying to tell ms something ? Anyway , I like the cut of
your jibs . Quits a rush . It was a great show Dave . I mean it.
In all
seriousness however , I think te important that it be admitted , a lot
of time I am not permitted - if te is intended it be spent just writings letters to you , Dave . I felt I owed you
this one though , not only because of your delightful show Friday night , but , especially since
on three sepreat occasions _ after the posting of that first letter , I have attempted
to writs you again anyways . There was one thing I originaly ment , of which I somehow
forgot to mention . The thing is : I mean you no discredit , Dave , and hops to bring into your life no displeasure . Judging from
Friday's show , what chance do I have anyway . You are an incomparable , true - wit , after all , and , I
enjoy your talent . Since I
could never wish to see such a talent screens , I could but only wish to
assist Bscidnes , as I
know I have already pointed out , you have already given ms meny hours of enjoyable , "late night"
television entertainment , and
, wouldn't
want that to change
under any circumstances ; not for any amount of money , not for
popularity , not for power , end , you guessed it , not even for the fulfillment of propichy . Gosh Dave : It's like I found you there - lost
in t.v. lend space .
I wanted to give
you e porpoise , and , if I am honest or "complete" even e
mission to surve me . It's like I drew you through the television
screen and not only got you to talk
to me , but , to perhaps even take me seriously . Now why would I touch that ? It wouldn't be
within my own self-intrest , after
ell I don't know whet my friends are
going to say when I tell them about this , but , if the pest mentioned "Regis confertation" is any
indicator , I think they are going to
find this piticular situation
especially cool . So , thank-you , Sir .
In all seriousness though , Dave , if
you went to talk to me hopeful because
you might have something constructive to say , I will try to make it easier for
you to take that first step . How
about you answer this question for e start . If "Tony the Tiger" is the spokesman for
"Kellogg's" (lode those rice crisps) is it not true he is or et one
time was the spokesman also for ESSO Gasoline Products ? There is of course another question of e more
important nature , of which I was hoping you might be able to help me with ; since I am putting aside another letter intended for Jay Leno while I prepare this for you
, and , there does seem to be e connection of sorts .
The thing is , I heard Jay say the other day that some janitor
guy has e gripe against your
wonderful Barbara Walter's . His
version is that she stole the idea for
her show "The View" from him . I don't know about that and hope it is not true for her sake . None the less , I have to
admit that from my experience it does
seem to be possible . My question is however , who does this guy have for e lawyer ? I don't know whet kind of evidence there is for
this "Welters case" but if this lawyer is willing to take on such e case as that , I could ensure him end anybody else who might be listening , I have the pervibiuel smoking-gun for my own case
, and , that evidence is more overwhelming even then that
copy of the original "Oprah letter"
of which you now have in your possession , Dave .
What I am saying is that I sure would like to meet this
lawyer guy . Do you think there might be any way you could help me
with such arrangements ?
There as one other question , but , I would
lake you to understand ; I wash to approach this
delicately for whit
might - after it's asked , be the obvious reasons considering the recent , horrific and unwarranted incidents in your fine
city of
New York • When Mayor
Juilani was on your show for the last tame is Mayor of New York , why
dad you not ask hem what et was lake to be interviewed by Oprah for her latest "0" publication this month en her
"Truth issue" ? Was this ,
I wonder , his idea or yours ; since I am certain you must have wanted to ask hem
that question even if the curiosity
was born out of nothing other than personal reasons ? note : Your
Lorie Grayham interview where she says she doesn't want to hear about et ,
she doesn't want to be told . Sounds very mesh lake the reaction of Kelly
Rapper between Regis and Geldman ,
when I say Regis spoke to me that day
through the t.v. set .
Well , that's
all very fine and dandy for Mass Grayham , and besides , I don't
vast protein of the globe does know who
Mess Winfrey as though , and , if sketches can be created because of her and her apparent destructive personality ,
I would suggest that perhaps a know
who she as anyways ; neither dad I
pay mesh attention to her interview . A
great deal of we
your public certainly would lake to see that your "Oprah Log" continue as
a developing format .
Lastly , here's an idea for getting me on the show ; though I must admit even before writing this , at as pretty flimsy and lame . Anyway _ here goes . What if I agree to loose
twenty pounds. This wouldn't be an easy thing for me to do , but, as
practically the only thing I got at the moment . Anyway , lit couldn't hurt my television
appearance to be twenty pounds lighter (ha ha). I've wanted to loose weight you see , and
, this could be just the encouragement
I need . Then again of course ,
one of those brilliant writers of yours
could come up with some Oprah "script" for me to read on the air . Why , I bet that would catch
this woman's attention , and , she'd probably be calling you the next day ;
if she hadn't already called you that evening
before the show even went off the air , that as . When I thank about it
, that's not even such a bid idea -
for either of us is far as that matter goes .
And let's
face lit , Dave , most of those stage-hands don't look lake they
are that comfortable on that side of
the camera anyways , and , quite frankly the joke has been played to death by this tame ; don't you thank ?
Of course naturally the reason I wish to got on "Late Night With David
Letterman" , is because I want the opportunity to talk about "The Propichy? But
think about it ! We could use turms like "Oprah" and "First Lady of Television" , "Rosie" and "Empire" "Publishing
Empires" ' We could compare the television industry and the press to "Empires" , pointing out how
now those two "great lady's" have their fingers in both pies ; that is of course
unless it's true and Rosie actually is leaving her show and is prepared to allow
her magazine sales slump because of her dissuasion ? I could talk about how I am prepared -
if need be to ta. the entire
television industry and press to court , whilst having these two "Queens of 'Talk" heads served
up on the same platter 1 What a hoot ay ' Wild And like that's going to happen . None the loss , as I have said : if you want to , I'm sure yours
writers and even your lawyers could work something acceptable out that we could work with
? What do you think , Dave , Ay ?
Incidentally , Sir , as things stand right now , I wouldn't be overly seprizid to learn that this
"Barbara Walter's thing" isn't some sort of plan by the industry , to throw me some
kind of a curve . Oh Yea ! I wouldn't put it past this bunch of
up with some sort
of elaborate plan and pay some "Joe" to invent this "Walter's /
View thing"
. Meanwhile I'm
supposed to sit on my behind - hopefully with my thumbs stuck up my hole _
where my hands can do no harm . While I'm waiting to see what new legal
precedents to coin a term pin-heads in an attempt to finally cover their butts , to come are set durring the
trial , in fact all I'd really be doing is wasting valuable time . The next thing I know , some sore of
"out-of-court / gag order settlement" is reached , and , I'm back at square
one needing only to wash my hands I beleave the tim
ing for this would be slightly out of phase for this to be the case
however , and , that there is no need for me to actually start getting paranoid yet . My point is : I wouldn't give
anyone the benefit of the doubt and am deturmand not to have the wool pulled over my eyes again
by anybody .
In closing I would like to state : if anybody thinks it is they who are writing "this
thing" for me _ perhaps they are right , but , for the most part I
beleave them to be mistaken I mean that in a good way because as we know
I beleave
this "'Oprah deal" to be
about the fulfillment of propichy . So make light of it we
might . I still
none the less , have no other
choice but to take the matter
very seriously , and , I
do . That's the way I'm
selling it anyway
. So I guess when
we get to the root of it all , I see
you as some sort of instrument. Yes Dave , perhaps it's true I'm using you You
are an instrument en my hands , just as I am an instrument in the hands of my God . I hope though , that I
haven't made you feel dirty , and , I can
assure you _ I'll still respect you in the morning (ha ha) .
After seeing Friday's show , again , I cannot express enough the gratude I feel towards you , Dave , for whatever your
part has been and hopefully for whatever future proceedings may produce . Let me only say
that it is comforting to think that at long last , somebody might be taking me seriously at least . I beleave it is only because I
have come to realize and accept that "this thing" might be about the fulfillment
of propichy , and , been willing to tell somebody about it , that this potential sitiatition has arisen ( where you are
writing script because of my letter) , bit , I'll grasp at any straws I can get at this point. Since
it is you , Dave , who
has thrown out this bail of hay to a drowning man , I will
say
that I am very
proud of you Sir , and , I
bestow apon you great amounts of heart-felt homage . I have never written to anyone about this
situation , out of anything other than respect for who they are and what they represent . What
they have done with that respect , pretty
much has been their decision . However ,
you sir , to date , have proven yourself the only one man-enough to
step right up to the line and by
getting straight in my face this way ,
show to me that this respect has not been carelessly misplaced . Congratulations
Sir . Congratulations , and , thank-you ,
Sir
. I shake your hand while I insist : you are a great capital of
entertainment value , morals and ethics . Thank-You David .
Sined With
Respect .
Now let's get busy , shall we ? Please ? As I have said : It's all very
well and fine to make jokes about this. , and , I'm not certain that the humor ever will end However this is
an important mission I am on and of a most serious nature . Thanks